wow, just... leave me alone.

no seriously, i wish i could just say that to my family, and- well i could, of course, duh, i could go up to them and get all gangster on their hides, being like "Leave me the fuck alone, you're not helping, you never were any help, and I don't want your help, okay? Bye!"

but who does that, who CAN do that? it's your family, and you may not like them, actually i think a lot of people just don't like their families but that's the circle of life, folks; but they're your family. they're what you've got, who you grew up with, whose house you've lived in for at least nineteen years. you can't just be a bitch to your family and then go on like life is chocolate.

okay, here's an idea; i've got a job. it's a sucky job, but at least i've got one, and i'm trying to save up my money instead of blowing it on shoes and shit like how i used to do when i was fifteen and be broke by next paycheck, and that was before i even had a CAR. but i've got a job, hooray! and i've gone to school. i'm not IN school right now, because i'm working, but i used to be. and i took two years, studied, did my shit, got bad grades, slacked, and came to the conclusion that i don't know where i am, what i'm doing, or why i'm even there. so why continue to go? thus here i am, working my ass off and spending my free time planning what to do with my life because hell, YOU said so yourself, mom, college degrees are a dime a dozen anymore, you said that, YOU, so WHY are you badgering me to go back to school to get my fucking degree?!

isn't that called being a hypocrite?!

and another thing; stop looking at me like i'm your fucking dog what's gonna jump up and do a backflip to fucking impress you, okay? i don't CARE that every single brother i've had whether older or younger has been in the honor roll, national honor's society, PSEO, or what the fuck ever else they're doing, and now are all planning on going to college and have their lives planned out for the next seven years, all right, i DON'T care.

congratulations to them, i'm so proud, no really! they're my brothers and they're all handsome and smart and funny and when they put their minds to it they can kick some serious educational ass.

but i'm NOT them. get that through your lazy-ass construction worker head. and that's another thing, check this out it's funny as hell. you're a college dropout who's the daughter of a stay-at-home wife whose husband never went to college, and neither did she, you're a construction worker disgusting lesbo (and yes i'm saying that in the bad light, because you're the nastiest interpretation of every negative stereotype of the category out there) who lives in the basement of your old mother's house JUST SO you can leech off her social security, funds, housing, and shelter while you bitch at her about how to use HER money and at the same time make no effort to go get a real job or further yourself and complain every chance you get how you never wanted this life!

that was a tangent. what was i talking about again?

oh, yeah.

let's get one thing straight, just because i'm not APPEARING to do anything at the moment doesn't mean i'm not PLANNING anything. maybe i already have plans. maybe i'm working on what to do with myself in my own time, working with what i have, how i have it, and maybe i don't need your goddamn suggestions or goals or gameplans- i swear to god, if i hear anything tell me i need one of those two G words again, i'm going to set the house on fire -to make it in the world. sure, they can be useful, but maybe i can figure shit out on my own, and if i can't? well hey i'm a fast learner aren't i? you said so yourself at one point or don't you remember, your hypocritical brain wavelength only going so far back to the last time you checked facebook in the morning.

so please. i implore you. leave me the fuck alone. i'm planning things. i'm getting somewhere right now, albeit very slowly, but i'm getting somewhere and when i do i can guarantee a pretty high chance that you will hear from me almost never unless it's the yearly "Happy Birthday" note on the internet. okay? now please, go away and let me try to live my own life without you trying to attach strings to my arms and legs, because i'm getting very sick of it and i can tell you right now i'm about to be a bitch and shove all those strings down your throat so far you'll be able to yank your own breakfast up link by sausage link.

...ahh, that felt good to get out of my system.

my family doesn't even know i have a dA account, despite the fact they constantly say they like my artwork and hey, if i ever get a place to put it all i should tell them and i actually HAVE told them, so they'll never actually read this. but that's okay, maybe one day when i'm feeling like shoving my feet up their asses i'll link them to this entry.

oh well, i haven't updated my journal in a nice amount of time and i just wanted to rant, so, i feel better now BYE.